It should have been quick and simple, establishing a telephone account for a new place of residence. As Verizon was my existing provider, I saw no reason to take the business elsewhere. So I navigated Verizon’s website and, having found no option to complete this common transaction there, bounced through a complex telephone menu system until I came to “speak to a representative.” I held to Morris Albert’s “Feelings,” Barbara Streisand’s “You Don’t Bring Me Flowers” and Starland Vocal Band’s “Afternoon Delight” until a young man answered. I quickly explained what I needed. He said, “Whoa, got to check the catalog.” The catalog? I thought. The line went dead. The dude had, like, hung up.

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